Myths and Facts
Domestic Violence
There are many myths about domestic violence and sexual assault that perpetuate a distorted view about its nature and causes. This list is a starting point; we hope that it will prompt you to examine your beliefs and provide you with helpful information.
Myth: Anger causes domestic violence.
Batterers are not angrier than the rest of us. They use anger as an excuse and
justification for their behavior. We all experience anger, but many of us don’t have to express it by abusing others.
Myth: Batterers “lose control” of their temper.
Battering is not loss of control; it is the exertion of power and control of one
partner over the other.
Batterers are usually violent only toward their partners or their children. They make sure that others are unaware of the abuse; they abuse behind closed doors and make sure no one talks about it. If they assault physically, batterers often inflict injuries on parts of the body that are covered by clothing, or they pull hair, or they choke—injuries that rarely leave obvious marks. Many assaults last hours. Many are planned.
Myth: Domestic violence occurs only in uneducated, minority or dysfunctional families.
Domestic violence touches every demographic group—regardless of race,
ethnicity, economics, class, sexual orientation, occupation, or education. There are doctors, ministers, psychologists, police, attorneys, judges, and other professionals who beat their partners. Approximately 50% of all couples experience domestic violence at some time in their lives.
Myth: If a battered woman really wants to leave, she can.
Any woman who considers leaving her abuser faces risks. 65% of battered women who are killed are murdered by their abusers when—or after they leave.
Myth: Domestic violence is a woman’s issue.
Men have a significant role in supporting women, holding other men accountable, and teaching young men about respectful, nonviolent relationships.
• In 2001 approximately 15% of the victims of intimate partner violence
were men.1
• Domestic violence occurs in GLBT relationships.
• Domestic violence is the leading indicator of juvenile delinquency.
Myth: Drugs and alcohol cause domestic violence.
Drugs and alcohol can increase the danger level and have been present in at least 50% of domestic violence cases. However, many alcoholics or drug users do not batter, and many batterers do not use drugs and alcohol. Stopping the abuser’s drinking will not end the violence.
Batterers who are alcoholics or use drugs have separate issues to confront if they want help—their addiction and their abusive behavior. Each problem must be addressed independently.
1 Bureau of Justice Statistics Crime Data Brief, Intimate Partner Violence, 1993-2001, February 2003.
Sexual Assault
Myth: "It can't happen to me." Rape is an isolated, infrequent event that only happens to certain kind of people.
Anyone can be sexually assaulted. Studies show that sexual assault happens to people of all ages, race, GLBT, people with disabilities, and people of every ethnic, religious, economic and social background.
Myth: "She asked for it." Women often provoke rape by their own behavior: wearing low-cut clothing, going out alone, staying out late, being drunk, etc.
No one asks to be sexually assaulted. People have the right to be safe from sexual violence. The offender, not the survivor must be held responsible for this crime.
Myth: Most sexual assaults are committed by strangers in out of the way places.
Over 70% of sexual assaults are committed by someone the survivor knows. Over 40% of sexual assaults occur in the victim's home and another 30% take place in the home of a friends, neighbor or relative.
Myth: Women frequently "cry rape".
The FBI reports that false accusations account for only 2% of all reported sexual assaults. This is no than false reports for any other crime.
Myth: Only women can be raped.
Men can also be victims of rape. Faced with a gun or knife, most people will think only of surviving and not of the actual sexual assault. Men have been victimized by individual male assailants, gang raped by a group of male assailants, or in rare instances, by a woman.
Myth: Rape happens in dark alley, by strange men who jump out of bushes.
Although some rapes do happen in dark, secluded areas, the majority of rapes happen in and around the victims home. Statistics also show that "stranger rapes" are few in number. It is much more likely that you will know your assailant. A rapist can be anybody.
Myth: Children lie about child sexual abuse.
Children do not have the explicit sexual knowledge necessary to describe phenomena they have not experienced. Children do not have the cognitive capacities to make up stories about sexual abuse. If children lie about sexual abuse it is most often to say that it did not occur, in order ro protect the offender and/or the family unit.
Myth: Children are usually molested by strangers.
85% of children are molested by someone they know, i.e., family members, relatives, neighbors and/or family friends. Offenders look for opportunity and access to children.
Friends Against Abuse
Nobody Deserves To Be Abused
